(not so) wonderful life
9:55:00 AM
here
again by myself. I've always enjoyed my nights alone. At home with some
good movie or outside listening the night breeze, either way, I found
piece. Well, at least that, until this certain girl came. She was
cleaning the table at my (ever since) favourite coffee shop. I really
didn't regret making a move, as my friends would say, "hitting on a
girl". They're dumbasses. I was kind of worried when she saw me with
them. Do girls actually like bad guys? Whatever, I have her now. It
wasn't hard to get her, I guess we were after each other. :) It was two years ago, wow. I still fall for her everyday. Her kisses makes me weak on my feet. We shared everything, she said I knew her inside-out. But did she knew me the same way? I stopped spending my nights alone, because of her. She always asked all the things I've done before I met her, but I managed to turn her attention on something else. Of course, she noticed my avoidance. She can't know this side of me, my past. If someone had asked me who most influenced me to get out from the old me, it was her. Yes, it was her. I gave up everything that used to help me through tough times. Why did she have to leave me in this stupid town alone when I needed her? I just lost my dad. He was the one that got me into this mess from the beginning. He was never a real father, husband, he was no one. Yet I still feel foolishly sad that he's finally gone. I needed to hold her, but she wasn't present. She's still not present. What would she have said, how would she have reacted when she knows that I revisited my past? It's kind of her fault, but I'd be the dumbest person to blame this on her. I drugged again, smoked, and also cheated. All the addiction came to me at once. I couldn't control myself. I really miss her. But I couldn’t bare to see her reaction so see me like this. I'm a mess and I'll always be. This needs to end, all of this. Thankyou for everything, Suz. I'm sorry I'm not good enough.
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