June 1st, 2015. WaR, 22:xx.

Hey there. Inilah gue tengkurep di matrass gak ada ngantuknya. I've had enough screen time across my eye. I can't blame anyone for being themself anjir. Ah, beda cerita. So anyway...

Windows wide open. Finally, all the used air and heat exchanges with the cool breeze. It has been a while since the darkness places itself after the sun set. What took him so long? A lot are missing him. Nightingales, crickets, etc they can now do their duty. Haven’t checked the thermometer but it’s clear to see there isn’t any flakes outside, can’t decide if that’s a good thing or rather unfortunate. The wind feels amazing, almost everything around agrees. The trees are dancing with him, wrapped up in the hug of shadows. Some drops of rain will make the scene perfect, but no, it’s beautiful, the way it should be.
  

   "I don’t get why people are so scared.” she thought out loud to herself.

Just like she’d always dream of, having her bed near the window. Well, she wished that the window has a bed, but this is close enough. Abandoned the laptop and phone. Music is on, unsure if it’s coming from the laptop or phone, either way it’s not that loud and not that silent. Sitting on the bed, she is smiling. Among all the life of life that’s happening, this current moment should be enjoyed deeply. The girl with her pyjamas on complied that.

  Moments like this where I don’t have to think, to feel, to worry, to be anything or anyone. I was terrified with everything happening but I am now happy. The current situation summons all my worries and the wind as it’s instrument took it on a little flying trip outside.

She chuckled at how she went deep into her writings, wondering if she was anesthetized by her own mind at all? Nope, she was conscious. But her thoughts doesn’t fall to make sense sometimes. Like, first she doesn’t need to feel, but she wrote that she was happy. The thought of itself embarrass her, again, she ignored it though. She was conscious, conscious enough to sing a line from the song playing, conscious enough to write it down.

  
   Cause all of the stars they’re faded away.

The solar-charged nightlights in her room are lighting up beautifully. It is quite disappointing to see not a single group of constellation in the sky tonight. She’d be lying if she said stars aren’t one of her favorite things about the night. It’s so symbolic. See it as a metaphor, as if her own life was meant. Strangely, is it possible that she loved the night so much, she places herself as becoming one? The stars are faded away. Her thoughts about her problems, her worries, yes. But only for a brief time. That can’t be it. Something painful brushed her mind about the un-present stars, people that left her. They once lit her up bright finely. What has she ever done to them? They faded away. As a title of time, she hasn’t got a clue.

Ideas of taking the phone again brushed through her mind as soon as she thought about those people, but no, this time it’s about her and for her only. The room has an aura of a very joyful spirit in a minimalist way, kind of hard to explain. Anyway, it’s 11p.m., she doesn’t have anything to necessarily deal with. Boredom strikes her because the mixed thoughts that she avoided is finally gone, as the mood to write is now gone as well. She lays down, but is she getting a rest?

All these doubts she’s having, inviting the paranoia to shackle her again. Those came up to her within the depressing monologue in her head. Maybe she needs a better pillow, that would make it all better, wouldn’t it? It paused the mind a while, but it didn’t work, it’s not better now. Well, at least she tried. Tossing and turning around the bed. “I don’t need to sleep just yet. What can I do?” she finally thought of something worth thinking, worth decision taking. (what?) She picked up her phone anyway. No notifications, no surprise. She only looked at her lockscreen background, when she actually wanted to know what time it is. There’s no point of looking to a screen until falling asleep, so she tidies up her phone and laptop well as theirs chargers into the drawer in the nightstand near the bed she’s on. So she got up again, as soon as her feet touches the ground, she felt wood. The bedroom planks reminded her of that little brown thing in the corner of her room, her guitar. Technically her’s now. Willing enough to pick it up, girl? Are you? Should you? Do you need to? Damn you doubts.

   BOOK OF 3 A.M. THOUGHTS

She returns to where she started to end the night. The situation is now different. It was apathy. She doesn’t want to write this sad emptiness after the thought of fading stars again, she must have written it before. Well, maybe not particularly after the thought of fading stars. Tucking her into bed again, no, she wanted to sit facing back the windows, letting her senses be outside when she’s present inside. The cover is cool and very vintage, definitely not dusty! The stickers are still placed where they were. Every single one of them holds a story of their own. The stars that brought them there. First few pages should be the most embarrassing ones, it’s the inexperienced times. It’s more of the stressful journals than thoughts. And they’re not even written at 3a.m., some states at 7p.m., midnight, and even ‘around tea time’! It’s sad, disappointing, and yet funny to read them again. But she finds that as the best thing about writing, especially journals, re-reading them! As she turns the pages even more, she nearly reaches the page divided or marked with the ribbon. This is where the writings get more neat, minimalist, but hard to interpret with a tired mind.

   “You’re not a bloody poet, stop combining sentences that almost doesn’t make sense together!” she added with a Post-it! between those pages.

Her bed is next to everything! She can reach anything she needs easily. And so she ended reading. Places everything back to where they should be and kissed her own little notebook good night. Stretching both arms and legs, as well as her head or neck. Forgetting that she was leaning outside the window, she inhaled the beauty in the night air. She took quite a moment with the weird position but seemingly peaceful situation like that until a rain drop landed on her forehead. She was surprised, but then smiled and said “now, perfect.”. Finally she can make herself sleep. No more soothing music, no more sounds from nature, though she can hear the rain now, no more useless thoughts. She fell asleep because she was tired, not sleepy. Also, Mr. Mcdreamy has been expecting her. He picked her up, she left without saying goodbye, or goodnight. It really was a good time, night summons peace for her. Even when she didn’t need to find it, it always calls her for a daily dose of serenity.

In this hollow moment...so many things happening at once, it’s bewildering.

One of my passions, as I also mentioned on the "instagram" post before, is photography.

and this time... i'm the writer here right? actually, I kinda don't have anything to say, to write. it just came up in my mind earlier this afternoon that I post some of my edited pictures in a blank post.

Although, I could write something about the title. So, HYPEBEAST 2 (shortened HB2) is a name for a preset-filter from the app VSCO Cam®, in which is one of my favorites that I often use. I wouldn't explain the app and how to use it extensively, but basically it's a very easy and cool editing app. If you wonder how those people get their instagram pictures grain, fade, dark or light neatly edited, this is one of the great apps that help people to do those kind of magic. I mean, if you're into instagram...I don't get why you shouldn't check it out. It's not to add stickers, light flares, and any other fun effects to your pictures, but the presets are sick for some tumblr-y pictures, you know? Anyway, I really like this preset because it gives that shady gloomy and calm spice up to your pictures. Yea I'm so melancholic. When I apply it to a potrait, it deepens the skin colour beautifully! (oh my god how did that sound) Oh, also this doesn't belong to the basic presets, so you have to download it from the store first, it's one of the free presets. :)

Finding myself scrolling through Zoella's website (blog), I really actually realize that not only I can write boring sad depressing funny stories on my blog, but also write some reviews about my favorite things! I never took the gut to do such a stuff because I'm afraid of all the copyrights thingy. So I'm just going to note what I feel and how I feel and spoil about the things that belongs to my "one of my favorites" category.

So the title of this post is "i am a darby-joan-moviegoer!" in which, Darby & Joan is a phrase an old married couple. (i googled that)  and I suppose you know what a moviegoer is... Yes, summarized, the title means that I watch movies about old married couples! :P I know I'm weird, but if you've read my older posts, I have teleiophilia. and I sure am pretty sure that I am not the only 16.y.o. on earth that enjoys this kind of movie type! How I started this? Well, I mean, again, teleiophilia! it continues since I really like to see a happily married couple, like watching Fran & Max Sheffield from The Nanny! I think that's how. It'll be too long if I have to explain how I got into that funny 90s sitcom;)

Anyhow, proceeding with the review... 
The order of the list doesn't mean anything.

Yes, I am one of those many teenagers that's addicted to a photo-sharing social media App called Instagram.

The story of my life regarding this started in 2011/2012, I was 13, no one had iPhones at school back then. So yes, I registered with a Samsung Galaxy Ace that only have a single primary camera of my mate. I was still using a Nokia X2 then! It was the year of when people uses the instagram filters. Generations moved on, people need to use a 2nd party app to edit their pictures before posting it on instagram. My feed used to be "colourful" with Nashville, Earlybird, 1977, Lomo-Fi, Toaster, and Valencia. Again, revolutions started. It started with me being on tumblr and I found out an app called VSCOcam in around the end 2013, in which apparently almost EVERYONE use now. Even though it's been a while since I started using it, I STILL SUCK. I mean, I keep scrolling through other people's profile on Instagram and see their feed is neat af! I keep practising,  looking up some edit tutorials, trying other better (even paid ugh) apps... and still suck. There are still feeds that are worse than mine, but even more are way awesomer than mine. I can't ever get enough. Life happened, I grew up, I learn a lot and live to learn!

Anyway, I still am addicted with this and practising whenever I can, although now  I am limited by being phoneless, I STILL TRY AND GIVE WHAT I CAN TO BE BETTER. Yes, a better instagrammer. My problem now is, I keep comparing my feeds to others until I'm depressed over it, a simple jealousy of other's talent stressed me out. I do admit and remind myself that my skills definitely developed, but it's still never enough.

Types of Instagrammers that puzzles me with the question "which one SHOULD I be?":

Famous, stylish, outgoing, and commonly found pretty type of Instagrammer that mostly have "followback?" comments on every post they have. either that, or their posts is filled with "friendly" comments from their friends (in which, they have a lot). Important to mention, these users usually have a good device that has a descent camera and/or good,paid apps to edit their pictures. and of course, they're very creative. Creative enough to impress their followers and make them think "wow, she/he gave some effort." ;)

these Instagrammer happens to be found on tumblr as well. I mean, such cool-stylish-fashion-movielike- (ah you get the point) photos are found on that site! and they just happen to have such similar pictures on their instagram account. the difference is on instagram they have to have a square picture, and on tumblr it's very open, what size and image type.

now what I can't stand (in a positive way) about these type is How they can be so constant on using the same filter preset on their posts! it's so neat it hurts. :')

The (freelance) Photographer.

these kinds hurt me the most. Why? because it was on the top of my childhood dreams to become a photographer. And Instagram opens the space, the chance to become one. atleast as an instagram-phtographer. Because it's slogan says it all, "capture the moments". These photographers doesn't need 'cheap' filters to spice up their shots. It's awesome enough to be posted. Well, at least decrease the exposure, increase the contrast, sharpens it a little...that kind of editing.

They have this certain "sight" of the world in their eyes, that they interpret through their camera and share it again to the cyberspace.

and then there's me

to which one do you think my feed belongs to? it has a little bit of every thing! SIGH!